Teenagers get stereotyped quite often. They’re depicted as having negative attitudes or that they “talk back” regarding any suggestion you might have. While some stereotypes are a bit far-fetched, one that most parents of teens will say is realistic is laziness. It’s not uncommon for teens to struggle with motivation. They have a lot on their plates, and their minds and bodies are going through a lot of changes. However, that’s no excuse for lacking the motivation to live full, happy, healthy lives.
If your teen is struggling to find any motivation, there are things you can do to help that won’t have them suggesting you’re “nagging.” Let’s cover a few effective tips you can start using right away.
Support Their Interests
One of the best ways to motivate your teen is to learn more about what they’re interested in—and support them. Whether it’s a sport, a hobby, or an activity you’ve never heard of, get excited about your teenager’s interests. Offer to help them with those hobbies or pay for new sporting equipment. When your teen is excited about something, they’re more likely to be motivated in other areas of life.
Set a Good Example
You might think your teenager isn’t listening to you or paying attention to what you do. But they are. Set a good example for your teenager by staying active. Participate in interests and hobbies of your own. Be productive at work. Wake up at the same time each day. These small things might seem “normal” and routine to you, but they’re showing your teen the importance of doing what they’re supposed to. If you’re just as unmotivated as they are, they’re less likely to listen when you try to boost their productivity. Actions speak louder than words – teens are pros at noticing discrepancies between parents’ actions and their words!
Communicate With Empathy
It can be tempting to use “tough love” when you’re trying to motivate your teen. But, there could be something going on in their life that is causing them to struggle. For example, a lack of motivation is often a sign of depression. While it’s good to encourage your teen to get up and get moving, make sure you’re empathetic and compassionate while doing so. By showing empathy, they’re more likely to open up to you, so you can provide them with the help and support they need.
Help Them Set Goals
Your teenager might have big plans for themselves or things they want to do, but they’re overwhelmed by the weight of it all. Adults tend to feel that way too. Think about the last time you had a big project to tackle. Maybe you were dreading it or waited until the last minute to get it done. Help your teen work through whatever they want to do by setting goals with them and breaking down those goals into smaller pieces. Each time they accomplish something small, it gets them one step closer to what they want and will continue to motivate them along their journey.
Practice “As Soon As….”
In this day of plenty (compared to when we grew up) when kids may “automatically” have phones, tablets, televisions, etc., it is important for parents to not “give away” their power. Meaning, if children don’t have to meet particular expectations to receive particular rewards, there may be little incentive to be motivated. One quick hack for assisting with motivation is to adopt the “As soon as….” technique. The way that it works is that when the child or teen asks for something, then we respond by stating “As soon as you [make your bed, finish your home work, vacuum, empty the dishwasher, etc.], then I wil [take you to the mall, turn the internet back on, etc]. Parents can get out of the nagging and multipe requests for teen to fulfill his/her expectations and just wait until they make a request. And then the parent responds with “as soon as [blank]”. Over time, the child/teen will be fulfill their obligations before they ask.
Believe in Them
Sometimes, the best thing you can do to motivate your teenager is to show them how much you believe in them. Things like low self-esteem or a lack of self-confidence could be holding them back from putting themselves out there and trying new things. While it might not always seem like your teenager “needs” you anymore, they will always need your love, support, and encouragement. Make sure they understand how great you think they are and that you believe they can do just about anything.
Don’t buy into the teenage stereotypes. If your teen is struggling with motivation, keep these tips in mind to help them, and watch them grow, flourish, and succeed.
If you are struggling with an unmotivated teen, obtaining professional support may be helpful for managing your own anxiety/depression around this and other parenting struggles. Contact us today at 218-616-1276 to get the process started. Our on-line intake process and telehealth make it easy to get the support needed: whether that be for the parent – or the teen!!
