How to Comfort a Loved One After Losing an Infant
There are few losses as devastating as the death of a baby. Whether it’s through miscarriage, stillbirth, or the loss of an infant after birth, the grief is profound and unlike any other.
If someone you love is going through this, you may feel helpless or unsure of what to say or do. The truth is, there are no perfect words. You’ll never know exactly what your loved one is feeling or going through. However, your presence and your willingness to walk beside them in their grief can mean more than you realize.
You might be wondering how to do that in a way that provides comfort, and it can certainly be a fine line to walk. The loss of an infant isn’t just the loss of a child. It’s the loss of dreams, milestones, and a future that parents have already begun to imagine. You might worry about saying the wrong thing, and sometimes end up saying nothing at all. Unfortunately, that silence can deepen the pain.
So, what should you do?
What You Can Do to Provide Comfort
The most important thing to do for your loved one during this time is to simply show up. You don’t need the perfect words — you just need to be there. Send a simple text that lets them know you’re thinking of them and you’re there for whatever they need. Sometimes a hug or just sitting together is enough. Be present.
Next, listen to them without trying to fix things. It can be tempting to offer explanations or silver linings, but these rarely bring comfort. What grieving parents often need most is someone who can sit with their pain and hear them say their baby’s name out loud.
Practical support can also make a big difference. Grief is exhausting, to say the least. Dropping off a meal, helping with laundry, running errands, or caring for other children can lift some of the weight.
Help Them Keep Their Child’s Memory Alive
One of the greatest fears grieving parents carry is that their baby will be forgotten. Using the baby’s name, remembering important dates, or sending a small keepsake can be deeply meaningful, even years later.
Grief doesn’t follow a timeline. Parents may seem fine one day and be overwhelmed the next. Be patient, and continue to check in, even months later, when the initial influx of support has faded.
What Not to Say
Even if you have the best of intentions, some things could do more harm than good as you’re trying to help. That includes certain stinging phrases and comments.
With that in mind, avoid saying things like, “You’re young, you can have another.” Don’t give them silver linings like, “At least it happened early.” Even if they have strong faith, saying something like “God needed another angel” isn’t going to provide the comfort you think.
These statements minimize the loss. A simple “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here” is often best.
Give the Gift of Your Presence
When someone loses an infant, there’s nothing that can erase the pain. However, your compassion, your willingness to sit with their grief, and your acknowledgment of their baby’s life, no matter how brief, are the truest forms of comfort. If you see that they’re really struggling, encourage them to reach out to a mental health professional who can provide grief and loss counseling.
Wellness Matters therapists who specialize in working with grief can help you support them through this journey. Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling (218) 616-1276
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
