Is Childhood Grief Different?
As a parent, you always want the best for your child. You never want to see them suffer or carry around any type of sadness. You make occasions special, you shield them from negativity, and you go out of your way to create a good life.
Despite your best efforts, grief is one thing that’s an inevitable part of life. We all will lose something at some point in time. Having to watch your child go through the aftermath of loss can be challenging.
If you find yourself in this position, what you do next can make all the difference in the world for your child.
Understanding the Basics of Childhood Grief
Children under the age of five typically don’t understand the concept of death and its permanence. They may believe their actions caused the person to be gone. From the ages of six to ten, children start to gain an understanding, but don’t yet have the development to express themselves. By the time they reach the teen years, there’s a better understanding of death and loss. Emotions also tend to run higher due to the nature of their brain’s development.
Depending on the age of your child, the way they respond to loss and grief can vary. Common responses to grief can be:
- Emotional, including guilt, anger, sadness, and anxiety
- Behavioral, including acting out, mood swings, decline in academic performance, appetite changes, and sleep loss
- Physical, including general body aches, stomachaches, and fatigue
After a loss, your child most likely won’t have the tools to recover on their own. How you handle the situation can be key.
Creating a Safe Space
Your child may not be going through the same experience you are. What they feel and how they feel can be different. Despite that, they need you to create a safe space for them—one where they can be comfortable opening up and not feeling judged.
Invite conversation to take place, encouraging and guiding your child to talk about what they may be feeling, in any way they express it. Let them ask you questions and try to work things out.
Be an Active Listener
Conversations with a younger child will look different from those with an older child. It’s important to practice active listening when communicating with them.
Make sure you’re being reflective, asking questions back to them for clarification or to get a little deeper. As difficult as it may seem, you need to remember to be patient and let the conversation flow at their pace.
Give Information as Appropriate
When you try to shield your child from bad things, it’s not uncommon to hide the truth or give slightly misleading information. The longer you can hide the details, the less hurt they’re exposed to, right?
When comforting or counseling them, consider providing age-appropriate, accurate explanations about death and loss. For the younger children, you may find using characters or stories that touch on grief. As difficult as it may be, try not to cover it with comments like someone is taking a nap or going away for a while. It can be confusing and further reinforces the idea that their actions could be responsible.
Keep Routines Normal
After a loss, the grieving process can have a way of taking over. During this time, especially where children are concerned, it’s important to keep as much of the daily routine as normal as possible. Stability can offer comfort among the chaos. If your child is feeling sad, lost, or any other emotion, this can be a great way to offer security for them.
Seek Professional Support
Navigating grief can be an overwhelming ordeal. If your child is struggling with their grief, or you don’t quite know how to help them, professional support is available.
Grief is a part of life, but that doesn’t mean you or your child has to deal with it alone. Working with a therapist can help you and your child develop strategies that will be supportive in working through it. Therapists at Wellness Matters specialize in dealing with issues of grief and loss and working with children. Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling (218) 616-1276
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
