How to Form Realistic Expectations for Your Relationship
Everyone wants a fairytale or Hallmark-style romance. But most of us know those classic tales aren’t realistic. Even the happiest couples in the world argue at times. No one is perfect. Still, it’s very easy to form unrealistic expectations for your relationship. You might expect too much from your partner, or you might think that you need to “look” or act a certain way as a couple. Unfortunately, these expectations do more harm than good. They can put unnecessary pressure on your relationship, make your partner feel like they can’t be themselves, and cause you both to lose your sense of identity as individuals and as a couple.
So, how can you form realistic, healthy expectations for your relationship?
Be Clear and Consistent
Far too often, people make the mistake of assuming their partner should know exactly what they want and what they expect. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and while being subtle about your needs is often better than handing them a list of expectations, you should still be clear.
You can’t get upset with your partner for not meeting your needs if they don’t know what your needs are. That’s an unrealistic expectation. While you can’t demand things from them, it’s a good idea to express what you want from the relationship, and listen to their needs, too.
Form Expectations Together
Speaking of both of your needs, sit down and have a conversation about what you both want from your relationship. If you can’t agree on everything, use it as a time to come up with compromises.
It’s unrealistic to assume you’ll get everything you want from the relationship. People are different, and you chose your partner for a reason. You don’t have to agree on everything or even have the same way of doing things to make your relationship work. Form expectations together, and compromise where it’s necessary.
Get Over the Little Things
You’ve probably heard the phrase “pick your battles” when it comes to raising children. That same expression can be applied to what you should and shouldn’t react to in a relationship. Your partner isn’t always going to do things you like. They might have “little things” that irritate you. But, if you spend all of your time picking their quirks apart, your relationship is going to be miserable.
While wanting to do better and be your best is a good thing, you shouldn’t expect your partner to change everything about themself. Some arguments aren’t worth it, and if you’re constantly nitpicking about things you don’t like, your relationship isn’t going to be fun for either of you.
Be Honest–No Matter What
If you truly want to form realistic expectations in your relationship, choose to be honest all of the time. Honesty builds trust and intimacy. It encourages communication and lets your partner know you want to hear everything they have to say. That doesn’t always mean you’ll agree with each other. It doesn’t mean you’ll always like what you’re hearing. However, honesty will keep things incredibly real in your relationship, and you won’t have to worry about developing trust issues when you know your partner will be straightforward with you no matter what.
You might never have that Hallmark romance, and that’s okay. Those movies always end after the two main characters share their first kiss, and you’re in a long-term relationship. It’s time to form realistic expectations and enjoy your relationship for what it is—not for what kind of fairytale you think it should be.
If you’re struggling in your relationship or are worried that you’ve already formed unrealistic expectations that are hard to break, feel free get more support. You can absolutely find your “happily ever after” while keeping things real and letting you and your partner stay true to who you are.
If you’re interested in learning more about exploring your relationship expectations, please consider accessing services at Wellness Matters or elsewhere. At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than an hour. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for persons living in northern MN.
To see if one of our therapists might be a good fit for your wants or needs, please check out the “About Us” tab. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling 218-616-1276.
