How Do You Know What You Really Want in a Relationship?
If someone were to ask you what you really want from a relationship, you might be quick to give a surface response. Most people will say things like love, commitment, and trust. While those are all great qualities to look for in a relationship, you might give those answers without really thinking about it.
Every relationship is different. While we all want basic things, including love, respect, and honesty, it’s important to look inside and really tune in to what you want in a relationship. Maybe your partnerships have struggled in the past. Or, maybe you have a hard time committing to someone and aren’t sure why. Tuning in to what you truly want can help to narrow your search and make it easier to end up with a partner that meets your needs and wants.
Let’s dive deeper into how to tune in to what you really want in a relationship.
Know Who You Are
One of the biggest problems with only answering “surface” questions about who you want to date is that you are an individual. You don’t want a cookie-cutter relationship. So, while those surface qualities are nice, they don’t mean you’ll have a happy, lasting relationship.
In addition to the basics of what just about everyone wants, consider looking at yourself to determine what (and who) you want from a relationship. If you’re a creative individual, things probably won’t work with someone who doesn’t share that spark. If you like to stay in, you might not pair well with someone who always wants to go out. Maybe you’re a sports fanatic and love to stay in shape. If so, you might not be happy with someone who lives a sedentary lifestyle.
Of course, opposites do attract, and just because you have different lifestyles from someone else doesn’t automatically mean things won’t work. However, these are important things to consider, and they can significantly affect the type of partner you’re looking for. Be confident in who you are, and you’ll have an easier time finding someone to complement you.
Trust Your Intuition
Sometimes, someone can look good on paper and check off every box, but they still don’t feel “right.” Far too often, people don’t trust their intuition when it comes to getting into a relationship. It’s essential to trust your gut, even if you can’t find anything wrong with someone. Sometimes, it’s the best tool you have to determine if a person is a good fit for you.
Consider Your Values
There are some things you’ll be able to overlook in a relationship, including opposite interests and hobbies. However, it’s very difficult for most people to compromise on their values—and you shouldn’t have to. While you can always be open to change and consider trying to see things from different perspectives, no relationship should make you feel like you have to change who you are or what you want for your future. When dating someone or considering getting into a relationship, think about those values. If you have a hard time seeing a long-term future with someone, consider that a red flag.
The dating world can be tough, especially when you’ve been out of it for a while or trying to jump in again after a breakup. The best thing you can do is give yourself time. Self-reflect and determine who you really are and what you really want. The more in tune you are with yourself, the easier it will be to understand what you want and need in a relationship. Use these suggestions to get started, and don’t be afraid to start dating with confidence once you do.
If you’re struggling with relationship issue, getting more support can be helpful. Please consider accessing services at Wellness Matters or elsewhere. At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than an hour. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for persons living in northern MN.
To see if one of our therapists might be a good fit for your wants or needs, please check out the “About Us” tab. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling 218-616-1276.
