Even Christian Relationships Can Be Toxic

The 4 Warning Signs of a Toxic Christian Relationship

There’s a misconception that when two Christians are in a relationship, everything within that relationship will be “perfect.” While you might strive to have a relationship centered around God, we’re all still flawed human beings. We all get it wrong sometimes, and that’s why Christians can still find themselves in toxic relationships.

Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to spot the signs of a toxic relationship because you might be focused on what you can do to fix it. But, even when you’re committed to Christ, you don’t have to stay in a partnership that is doing more harm than good. With that in mind, let’s take a look at some of the warning signs of a toxic relationship and what you can do if you feel like you’re in one.

1. Unhealthy Communication

Communication is important in every relationship, but it’s especially necessary when you’re in a romantic partnership. If there’s a lack of communication within a relationship, it puts you at risk of developing trust issues and can lead to more misunderstandings and arguments.

Unhealthy communication can also include hostility. The Bible outlines our roles in marriages, but even if you aren’t married to your partner, it’s a good rule of thumb to respect those roles and treat each other with respect. If there’s sarcasm and criticism in your conversations, you should consider it a red flag.

2. Giving Up Pieces of Yourself

All relationships require equitable compromise at times. Taking an interest in your partner’s needs, wants, and hobbies can also bring you closer. But you shouldn’t sacrifice your own needs and wants just to appease your partner.

If you feel like you’re starting to lose your identity or compromise your values and beliefs, that’s not what a Christian relationship should look like. A partner should support you, including meeting your basic needs and wants, not ignoring them. They especially shouldn’t make you feel like you need to compromise who you truly are just to keep the relationship intact.

If you allow that kind of behavior to go on, you might quickly find that you develop a diminished sense of self-worth. That can put your partner in a position of “control” in your relationship, creating a vicious cycle that might leave you wondering who you really are.

3. Dishonesty

This should be pretty self-explanatory. Dishonesty is damaging in any relationship. But, if you’ve tried to center your relationship around Christian values, knowing your partner is lying to you can feel like a hard blow to deal with.

Dishonesty can immediately break trust and cause you to close yourself off in the relationship. It’s hard enough to be vulnerable in a healthy relationship. But it can feel next to impossible when you’re worried your partner isn’t telling you the whole truth.

4. Gaslighting

Does your partner ever make you feel like the problems in your relationship are solely your fault? Beyond that, do they ever try to make you feel like you’re going “crazy” by persuading you to believe things that didn’t happen or aren’t true?

If so, that’s nothing more than gaslighting, and it’s incredibly toxic to a relationship. When a partner manipulates the other into making them believe negative things about themselves and what they’ve done, it’s just another way to exert control. The more control your partner can obtain through gaslighting, the more they’ll feel like they can do anything they want in your relationship.

Seeing red flags in your relationship is never easy. But, if your partner isn’t willing to respect your values or beliefs, or if they aren’t centering your relationship around Christ the way you want, it’s important to bring these issues to light and seek out the help of a counselor or therapist.

If you’re struggling with relationship issues, getting more support even just for yourself can be helpful. Please consider accessing services at Wellness Matters where we have faith-based therapists.  At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than an hour.  On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office.  In-person services may also be available for persons living in northern MN.

To see if one of our faith-based therapists might be a good fit for your wants or needs, please check out the “About Us” tab.  You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling 218-616-1276.