Is Your Ex Engaging in Parental Alienation?
Did you and your ex have a child together? Did you part on bad terms? Do you think this is having an impact on the relationship you have with your child? In some divorce cases, when the separation is difficult, it may be tempting for one of the parents to turn the child against the other.
For the parent on the receiving end of this alienation, it can be hard to tell what the warning signs are. But it’s important to know what they are if you’re co-parenting a child with your ex, especially if you both parted on bad terms.
1. You Can’t Reach Your Child When They’re in Your Ex’s Care
It’s true that sometimes, kids are busy. If you try to get in touch with them while they’re at your ex’s house, and you don’t manage to, it’s not necessarily bad. At least not if it only happens once in a while. But if it’s something you notice is happening more and more often, that might be much more concerning.
Maybe it’s because your ex tells you your child is busy when you call. Or maybe it’s your child who won’t answer your calls or texts without an explanation. Either way, if you can’t talk to your child at all, that’s a big warning sign.
2. Your Child Can Only Use Some of Their Possessions at Your Ex’s House
Say your ex bought something exclusively for your child’s use. Maybe it’s something like a portable console, a guitar, or a violin. It’s something your child wants, something they enjoy. And it’s just for them.
The problem appears when your child tries to take that object to your place. Suddenly, your ex is saying they can’t. Maybe your ex claims it’s because you told your child he couldn’t bring it or because he doesn’t want you to be upset. Or maybe your ex doesn’t give a reason at all. They just tell your child they can’t take this object with them when they visit you, and as a result, your child grows to resent you. That’s a sign of parental alienation.
3. Your Ex Tells Your Child About the Disagreements You Have
If your child is under eighteen, then it’s inappropriate for them to know the details of the divorce proceedings between you and your ex. The younger they are, the less they should know. It’s the same for any disagreements you and your ex may have. They shouldn’t know about any of it. After all, the point is that they’re able to have both parents in their lives, no matter what may be happening between the two of you. You don’t want them to resent either parent.
But if your child suddenly seems to know a lot about you and your ex, about your latest argument or about why you’re getting divorced, and you weren’t the one who told them, you might have to talk with your ex because that’s definitely a warning sign.
4. You’re Not Told Important Information About Your Child’s Life
Have you noticed your ex is keeping things from you? Maybe your child is having problems at school or with their health, but you haven’t heard a word of it until it’s too late. Maybe they’ve planned a big trip together, and you only hear about it once they’re packing their bags. These decisions involve you, but you’re being left out of the loop by your ex on purpose. That’s another big warning sign.
Parental alienation is a complicated issue. It can hurt you, your child, and the relationship you both have. If you’re also in the middle of divorce proceedings, the pressure might be intense.
Therapists at Wellness Matters can help you sort out whether or not you are possibly dealing with parent alienation and what your options might be. Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling (218) 616-1276
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
