What is perfectionism?
There are varying opinions about perfectionism. Some see it as a good thing. After all, what’s wrong with having high expectations and doing your best? Except that really isn’t perfectionism. It’s not about doing your best; it’s about literally being perfect. Of course, that’s not possible for anyone, which is where perfectionists tend to run into problems.
While perfectionism might seem like a personality trait, there are actually factors that can contribute to it. It’s not uncommon for perfectionists to struggle with feelings of anxiety, depression, and even low self-esteem because they can’t live up to their own expectations—and no one else can, either. Let’s take a look at some of the common causes of perfectionism.
1. Childhood Experiences
It’s always a possibility for adult mental health issues to stem from childhood. During your formative years, your parents or caregivers can influence you more than you might realize. If you had parents who set forth unrealistic expectations or demanded “perfection” from you, that might contribute to your desire to be perfect today. While that’s certainly not your fault, it’s important to understand this possible cause so you can break the cycle before it reaches the next generation.
2. Low Self-Esteem
People who are perfectionists might seem to have it all together. In reality, many of them have low self-esteem. If you’ve struggled with insecurities or low self-worth for the majority of your life, you might start to adopt perfectionist qualities. When you try to make everything perfect and set a high standard for yourself and others, it can boost your confidence, at least at first. But no one is perfect, and you’ll regularly fall short of your expectations, which can actually do more harm than good to your self-esteem.
3. A Sense of Control
There’s no denying we’re living in a chaotic world. People do different things to try to find some kind of control in their own lives. Trying to make everything perfect is one of them. Brain biases include being in control at all times, being highly critical, and black and white thinking. It’s not uncommon for perfectionists to adopt an “if you want something done right, do it yourself” attitude. This is largely because they feel more comfortable and secure when they’re in control of a situation.
4. A Fear of Disapproval
Often, low self-esteem comes from a fear of judgment. Maybe you were bullied as a child or didn’t have a lot of friends. Maybe your own family didn’t treat you the way you deserved. You might think that if you don’t do everything right, people will somehow think less of you. Or that they’ll talk about you behind your back and make judgments about you before they even know who you really are. Whatever the case, the need to be a people pleaser can lead to perfectionism. That’s rarely the case because everyone knows perfection isn’t possible. But, it can be a very real fear for some people striving for it.
5. Believing Your Self-Worth is Based on Your Achievements
If there’s a positive side to perfectionism, it’s that it often serves as a great motivational tool. Perfectionists get things done. But there’s a cost to that. Sometimes, perfectionism stems from the fact that you’ve tied your self-worth to your achievements. You might feel worthless or unsatisfied when you don’t get recognized for a job well done or even when you don’t meet your own unrealistic standards.
There are many causes that can trigger perfectionism, but most of them come from a place of fear or insecurity. If any of these causes sound familiar and perfectionism is controlling your life, consider reaching out for help. You don’t have to live under the weight of your own expectations forever.
If you feel you would like a better understanding of perfectionism and help with management strategies, feel free to contact Wellness Matters to set up an appointment.
If you’re struggling with perfectionism, getting more support can be helpful. Please consider accessing services at Wellness Matters. At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for persons living in northern MN.
To see if one of our therapists might be a good fit for you, please check out the “About Us” tab. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling 218-616-1276.
