5 Ways to Form Strong Relationships with Your Adult Children
When your kids are little, fostering strong, healthy relationships with them can seem easier. You’re involved in their day-to-day life, you know their hobbies and interests, and they turn to you for advice, guidance, and support.
Unfortunately, far too often, those relationships weaken as your children become adults.
While your relationship with your adult children won’t be the same as when they were younger, there’s no reason you can’t be close. If you’re both willing to work at it, it’s possible to form strong relationships with your children even when they’re on their own.
Let’s look at a few tips you can put into practice to start strengthening those relationships now.
1. Reflect on Your Role
If you’re upset about the relationship (or lack thereof) you currently have with your adult children, consider where those feelings are coming from.
As a parent, it can be difficult to acknowledge your child as an adult. However, they need you differently now than they did when they were growing up. Reflect on the kind of relationship you want with them and how realistic it is. You’ll have to be willing to make a shift from a parent/child relationship to an adult/adult relationship.
2. Open Communication
Communication is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship, including one between a parent and their adult child.
If you’re struggling with your communication efforts, consider having a talk about that. Ask your child how they feel about your relationship. What do they need from you? What do they want from you?
Don’t be afraid to express your own feelings, too, using “I” statements to avoid blaming them for things. Being open and vulnerable as two adults can help to break down barriers and improve your communication efforts in the future.
3. Support Their Choices
You don’t have to understand or even agree with all of the choices your adult children make. However, if the choices aren’t harmful to their well-being, make an effort to be supportive.
Supporting your child’s choices as an adult will naturally help you get closer. It will also give you more insight into their values and what’s important to them. You might be surprised by their reasoning behind their hobbies, interests, and life choices, but you’ll never learn those things if you don’t value their opinion or show genuine curiosity.
4. Apologize for Past Mistakes
Parents don’t get everything right. You’re learning as you go, and it’s okay if you make mistakes along the way.
But when your child is an adult, it’s important to take accountability and even apologize for those mistakes. This is part of the adult/adult relationship. If you did something wrong in the past, own up to it without trying to make excuses or justification.
This will help your adult child see you as a person, not just a parent, and make it easier for them to recognize that you’ve always done your best with them, even if you stumbled sometimes.
5. Allow Them to Make Mistakes
It can be hard seeing your adult children fail or struggle in certain areas. Maybe they’re having a hard time finding a job. Maybe they just got divorced, and they’re struggling emotionally.
As a parent, you never stop being there for your child and supporting them through life. But you can’t protect them from everything or eliminate heartbreak from their life. Step back and let them make their own choices and decisions, even in trying times. Doing so will encourage growth and independence, so they can be lifelong learners.
Wellness Matters as a Resource
It is not always easy making that relational shift as a parent when you have adult children. If you find that you are struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Wellness Matters has therapists who specialize in relationship building and conflict management. Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling 218-616-1276.
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
