Why You Shouldn’t Parent Your Partner
In the intricate dance of relationships, it’s not uncommon for dynamics to take on unexpected roles. One potentially detrimental pattern that can emerge is the inclination to parent your partner. While the intention behind such behavior might be rooted in care and concern, the consequences can be far-reaching, impacting the balance and harmony of the relationship.
It can be tempting to want to change your partner’s annoying behaviors and mold them to be the person you want them to be. You may start to boss them around or criticize them. While you might think this is for their benefit, it might do more harm than good.
Signs You’re Parenting Your Partner
It is possible to fall into the trap of parenting your significant other without even realizing it. Here are some examples of what these behaviors may look like:
- Packing your partner’s suitcase when traveling.
- Buying and picking out your partner’s clothes.
- Keeping track of their phone, wallet, and keys.
- Making medical appointments for your partner.
- Cleaning up after their messes.
- Buying gifts for someone on your partner’s behalf.
Impacts of Treating Your Partner Like a Child
Parenting your significant other can destroy the romance within your relationship. It ruins the dynamic between one another by allowing one person to hold most of the power.
Exhaustion
Being with your partner should feel fun, relaxing, and comfortable. Constantly being lectured or “disciplined” can be degrading and cause tension every time you are in a room together. On the other hand, it can be tiring to remind your partner to clean up after themselves, or to nag them about their laziness. No matter which role you take, it can be exhausting on both ends.
Disrespect
Being treated like a child can feel disrespectful, like your partner does not view you as their equal. If you are the one doing the parenting, it can feel like your partner does not appreciate you enough to change their behavior. Both sides feel this lack of respect, and it can ruin the spark in the relationship.
Loss of Romance
No one wants to feel like they are living back at home with their parents, especially when you’re hanging out with your significant other. Viewing your partner as incapable or seeing your partner as a parental figure can cause loss of sexual attraction to one another. The romance will then start to diminish, and it will feel like being with a sibling, roommate, or even just an acquaintance.
Tips to Stop the Parenting
If you notice this parent/child dynamic within your relationship, it might be time to make some changes. The first step is communication. Don’t just say “stop treating me like a child” or “stop acting like a child.” It is important to inform your partner about how their actions make you feel. Use clear terms and a calm tone of voice to help them see things from your perspective.
Setting boundaries is also a good approach if you feel lines are being crossed in the relationship. This can help regain respect for one another and define clear roles moving forward. It is also possible that neither partner is open to change. While this is a difficult realization to come to, it may mean the relationship has run its course or needs extra support.
At Wellness Matters, we have therapists who can help! Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
