My Blended Family with Grown Children
Parents with young children often come to mind when people think of blended families. But, with many people marrying or remarrying later in life, blended families with grown children are becoming more common.
On paper, stepfamilies full of adults might seem easier. However, a blended family with grown children doesn’t come without its own unique challenges.
Feelings of loneliness, betrayal, and even confusion and hurt aren’t uncommon when it comes to marrying with grown stepchildren. Let’s take a closer look at some of the challenges of second-half stepfamilies and what you can do to create a blended family that helps everyone feel loved and accepted.
Why It’s a Challenge
Stepfamilies with grown children can face some of the same challenges as blended families with younger kids. While you might not all live under the same roof, the feelings often remain the same.
For starters, it can be uncomfortable for a grown child to see their parent showing affection to a different partner. Not only can it cause them to feel isolated, but they also might struggle with loyalty issues. If they like their new stepfather, is it a betrayal of their father? This can occur whether parents are divorced or one parent has passed away.
It can also take longer for adults to trust someone. Patience is important when it comes to adult relationships, and if your grown children haven’t gotten to know your new spouse very well, it can create some unspoken tension for a while. One of the worst things you can do is try to force a relationship or pressure them into something they aren’t ready for. It will happen naturally.
There is also a greater potential for conflict in second-half stepfamilies if a parent is remarrying after the death of a spouse. Grief comes with intense emotions, and they don’t go away for a long time. It can be difficult for grown children to think about a parent “moving on,” they might even see it as a betrayal of the one who has passed.
What Can You Do?
The best thing you can do to create a cohesive blended family is to encourage as much open communication as possible. Listen to their feelings and avoid telling them how they should feel. Even if you’re excited about your new marriage and the idea of a blended family, it might take some time for them to share that excitement, and that’s okay.
It’s also important to continue to spend time with your grown children. Let them know that the family you built with their other parent isn’t somehow erased because you got remarried. Talk about old memories and happy times, and continue to foster a strong relationship as you move forward. This can provide a sense of security and stability when they’re struggling with uncertainty.
Working Through it Together
At the end of the day, you can’t force a relationship between adult children and a new spouse. However, you can make the idea of a blended family easier on everyone by fostering healthy communication. If tensions are already high within the family, that might sound easier said than done.
Thankfully, you don’t have to do it alone.
Wellness Matters as a Resource
Please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Wellness Matters has therapists who specialize in working with the issues that accompany blended families. Feel free to contact us today to set up an appointment. You can connect with the Wellness Matters Intake Coordinator by texting or calling (218) 616-1276
At Wellness Matters, the intake process is all on-line and can be done in less than fifteen minutes. On-line appointments make it possible to attend appointments from the comfort from your home or office. In-person services may also be available for people living in northern MN.
